Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Control versus structure: is there a difference?

Many people who struggle with eating issues have a love-hate relationship with control. On the one hand, they know that controlling their food intake and their exercise regimen makes them feel better. On the other hand, the control often feels tight and rigid, bringing back memories of childhood authorities against whom you were powerless.
The pattern usually goes like this: you control obsessively for a day, a week, a month. You count every calorie, exercise every day, and spend much time obsessively thinking about food and the denial of food. After some time, you give up and explode, bingeing on everything that comes your way. You can't even consider going back to the rigid control, yet feel the devastating cost of "losing it" in every part of your psyche. The more you act out this cycle, the shorter the "control" periods last, and the longer the "let-it-all-hang-out" periods take their toll. Most of the clients I see begin their day by going to go on a diet but are bingeing by early evening!
Sound familiar? Here is an answer, which lies in the difference between control and structure.
Look at the dictionary definition of those two words.
CONTROL:
To exercise authoritative or dominating influence over.
STRUCTURE:
Something made up of a number of parts that are held or put together in a particular way.
The way in which parts are arranged or put together to form a whole.

How does this apply to eating and exercise? When you control your food intake and exercise, you are "exercising authoritative or dominating influence over" yourself. Control is rigid. It does not allow for change, error, or compassion. When you control, you are not paying attention to what your body needs. Rather, you are "dominating" your body, paying attention only to external rules rather than internal clues.

Structure is different. You decide what structure to create for yourself, a structure that can encompass what your body needs, what your personality desires, and the variables life brings you on a daily basis. Structure keeps you safe. I use Quicken, a financial program, because it gives me structure for how to spend -or not spend- my money. Without Quicken, I control too tightly or spend compulsively. With structure, I am BASED IN REALITY about what I need and can play within the structure depending on the day. I can choose to forego my weekly dining allowance for a sweater I love. Or give up my organic groceries for a few weeks knowing Thanksgiving will cost me a bundle.

I have encouraged many of my clients to create a structure by signing onto www.myfooddiary.com. THEY can decide the structure they want to create. They can decide how many calories they want to eat a day, depending on whether they want to lose weight or not. They can decide how much exercise they are willing to do, knowing that when they do it, they get to eat more. With structure, people get to be grown-ups, choosing consciously what they really want, and living with the consequences of those choices.

The way I see it is this: on one hand is control. On the other side is chaos and a free-for-all. And in the middle lies structure. Try it. You may just have found an important key

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